Lessons For Women

Are you willing to listen, when your mother preach the Lessons for Women before you marry to a new family? When I was young, I wasn’t.

In Han Dynasty, the first century in China, the first female Chinese historian Ban Zhao at age of 70 wrote the most famous lessons for women, four virtues a woman must abide by. They are proper virtue (fude), proper speech (fuyan), proper manner (fuyong), and proper conduct (fugong). They became the Bible for women in China for the past 20 centuries. Ban Zhao was stigmatized by modern feminists for gender discrimination in her lessons for women.

Nobody likes to be told what to do, women don’t, neither do men. But if you are interested in what you’re being told to do, then it is another story.

Last month, upon the request of my husband, I returned to Pu-tzu for a month to take care of my bed-ridden parents-in-law. A month on call day and night? Yes, an entire month. But I found it inspiring to accompany the seniors in the family and I found a new way of living with joy.

January the 6th, on my way home in Pu-tzu from the High Speed Railroad Chia-yi Station, I stopped by the Embroidery Culture Center to borrow the ladies room to take care of my biological need. In the end, I signed up to be a member of the Chia-yi Embroidery Association. I learned the basic needle skills and I purchased all necessary tools, including the frames, needles and many silk yarns of different colors, because I knew once I walked into the big house of my parents-in-law, it would be difficult for me to get out.

Both my parents-in-law received education during the Japanese occupation period. My father-in-law was educated to be the boss of the family. He gives orders and his wife and children follow, so do his children-in-law. From the moment he became bed-ridden, he has been equipped with a beeper in hand. Whenever he needs something, he beeps.

In the past month, I took orders from my bed-ridden father-in-law every 20 minutes or so unless he was asleep. Was I upset? Yes, at night, but during the day, I found peace in my mind with an embroidery frame in hand. The more I embroidered, the more skillful I became. My husband was satisfied with my proper conduct (fugong) and my embroidery works impressed family and friends.

“Sherry, get me some warm water”, requested my father-in-law.
“Yes, sir, right away”, I replied.

“The water is not warm”, complained my father-in-law.
“Okay, I will add hot water in your cup at once”, I grabbed the cup and went upstairs to adjust the water temperature.

“Sherry, I want to go to the toilette”, commanded my father-in-law.
“Yes, Father”, I helped my father stand up to walk to the toilette.

“Ding-Dong”, sounded the beeper of my father-in-law.
“Yes, Father, what can I do for you”, I asked.
“Nothing, I just beep you to see if the beeper works and to check if you’re around”, smiled my father-in-law.

“Sherry”, called my father-in-law.
“Yes, here I am”, I replied.
“Sherry, I’m fond of you, you’re indeed an obedient daughter-in-law. You answer my call without me beeping”, praised me my father-in-law.

At the beginning of year 2009, I was contented that I made many artistic embroidery works in Pu-tzu while taking care of my parents-in-law. I was happy that I had the opportunity to appreciate the Lessons for Women by Ban Zhao and to cherish the Chinese embroidery traditions and cultures inherited from our ancestors. I feel grateful from the bottom of my heart to become a Chinese woman of virtue.

From a housewife to a skilled master of embroidery, there is still a long way to go, but I’m determined to get there no mater how far it could be.